Your name is NOT ACTUALLY ANDY MCMANN, and you are 17 YEARS OLD. You have a VARIETY OF INTERESTS which include MY LITTLE PONY, HOMESTUCK, WRITING and as previously mentioned, THE MUSICS. ALL OF THEM.
Your Chumhandle is almostIndefinitely, your Skype is Andyman_117 and when you are excited YOU TYPE IN ALL CAPS but you occASIONally mix it up A LITTLE.
Didn’t See That Coming of the Day: Kai the Hatchet-Wielding Hitchhiker Wanted for Murder
This morning, the authorities in Union County, New Jersey issued an arrest warrant for the 34-year-old Caleb Lawrence McGillvary (better known as Kai the Hatchet-Wielding Hitchhiker) in connection to the homicide of a 73-year-old attorney named Joseph Galfy, Jr. According to the local news station WABC, the 73-year-old man was found bludgeoned to death in his home in Clark, New Jersey earlier this week on Monday. His current whereabouts remains unknown and a reward of $5,000 is being offered for his arrest.
• Accidentally close a tab? Ctrl+Shift+T reopens it. • Bananas release dopamine, eat them when you’re sad. • CTRL+SHIFT+ESC is the one handed version of CTRL+ALT+DEL • Don’t brush your teeth hard, it makes them sensitive and removes enamel. • Don’t like spiders? Put citronella oil on your walls and they will not go there. • Drink one glass of water for every alcoholic drink you have, you’ll get drunk without getting a hangover. • Get clear ice cubes by boiling water before freezing it • Heal paper cuts and immediately stop the pain with chapstick. • If you accidentally write on your dry erase board with a permanent marker, scribble over it with a dry eraser marker to remove it. • If your shoes smell, put them in the freezer overnight, it will kill the bacteria. • Make bug bites stop itching with a banana peel. • Make a paper longer with 12-point text, but 14-point periods and commas. • Need to get around a blocked website at work? Try replacing the http:// with https:// • Never send your resume as a word file (unless asked) Instead, print it to a pdf file, it’s much cleaner and professional looking. • Pick a flavor of gum you don’t normally chew, and chew it while studying during a test. • Place a piece of bread in a container with your homemade cookies and they will stay soft. • Put a dry towel into a dryer with wet clothes, they will dry faster. • Put toothpaste on a pimple and it will dry out. • Practise fake smiling in the mirror every day before going to work/school, you’ll genuinely start to feel happier. • Rub canola/olive oil on knives before cutting onions, you won’t cry, alternatively chew gum and you won’t either. • Short on time with a wrinkled dress shirt? Hang it up in the bathroom to steam it flat. • The night before, place things you don’t want to forget the next morning on top of your shoes. • Use hydrogen peroxide to remove blood stains from clothing. • When cleaning windows use newspapers or coffee filters instead of paper towels, they will not leave streaks. • When microwaving bread products/pizza put a glass of water in with it, it will keep your bread for going spongy. • When you move into a new place you’re renting, take pictures of any and all damage, then post them on facebook (privately if preferred) so you can use the reference date as proof you didn’t do it. • When searching plane tickets online delete your cookies prior, prices go up when you visit a site multiple times.
My mother just came with the groceries and I opened the door and without thinking asked “swiggity swag what’s in the bag” and she replied “bip boop bop bread and flip-flops
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